If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever

Ryan and I had been trying for a third baby for 9 months before we finally got our positive pregnancy test. Our story is a sad one.

On May 16, 2015, the test finally had two pink lines. Very faint ones, but they were there. I was hopeful, still not totally convinced the "test" line wasn't an evaporation line. It seemed that the endless months of negatives had given me a more cynical outlook. Despite having very early symptoms, not the usual ones, but weird dreams and a heightened sense of smell at barely 3 weeks, it was a complete shock. I couldn't believe it. I would take 3 more tests over the next 5 days just to be sure. They were all positive. It started to sink in, we had finally done it! We were finally going to have another baby! The joy and hope for the new life growing inside of me began to blossom. Would it be another boy? A girl this time? Born early or late? I was due January 25th 2016. We had names picked out for either gender. We were READY! We immediately told our family, I knew the risks, but I thought we were safe. I had had two perfectly healthy pregnancies before, this one wouldn't be any different. And in the off chance it was, I thought, at least I'd have a support group. Plenty of shoulders to cry on if the devastating day came.

It came.

Monday, May 25th 2015, just 10 days after the first positive test, I started spotting. I woke up to use the bathroom at 2am. My immediate panic soon subsided as I read online that it can be perfectly normal to spot in the 5th week of pregnancy. We had been intimate the night before and that can cause harmless spotting at any point in pregnancy. At 7am when I woke up for the day, there was still spotting but it didn't appear to have gotten worse. I called in to my OB's office and left a message with the on-call Dr.. It was Memorial Day after all and no one would be in until Tuesday. My sister was in town visiting and she kept trying to get us out of the house. Things to do and all that. I couldn't leave and miss the call back from the Dr., but I couldn't tell her that. I couldn't find the words. How do you tell someone that you might be losing a baby? It was all I could do to whisper it to Ryan at 7am when I saw that I was still bleeding. Sarah and I had gone to Target the day before and she bought me a package of newborn diapers and surprised me with a gift card for the baby. I couldn't tell her. I couldn't do this to anyone else, couldn't give anyone else my pain.

As the hours ticked by with no call back from the Dr., I began losing hope. The bleeding intensified. The cramping started. All I could think about was that I was pregnant yesterday. Yesterday everything was perfect. Today my world was crashing down around my feet. I never got the call. My sister went back home. We went to dinner at Maria's house. I wasn't myself. Everyone kept asking if I was ok. I wasn't, but I couldn't tell them. I had to soften the blow somehow, I couldn't let anyone else be as blindsided as Ryan and I were. I told them I was cramping. That I would call the Dr. tomorrow. By the time we got home that night, I knew. There was too much blood. It couldn't have survived.

Hope found it's way into my heart. I began to hope beyond anything that my pregnancy had been twins. That somehow, one baby had found a way to survive. That it wasn't a complete loss. Tuesday morning I called the Dr. back and finally talked to someone. It was possible but unlikely my story would end well they said. I was sent for blood work. They would take blood 48 hours apart and compare the levels of HCG. Wednesday they called back with results from the first test. There wasn't a point to getting another one tomorrow. My levels were too low to sustain pregnancy. Just like that. I was no longer pregnant. My body had betrayed me. My precious baby was lost forever. And we had wanted it so badly. The next morning I took the last pregnancy test I had, still hopeful that somehow the blood work had been wrong. The digital test flashed "Not Pregnant" at me. I began to sob. I had to accept it. There was no miracle for me. My womb was empty.

Then came the next hardest thing. Telling our family. Knowing the questions that would come and knowing I wasn't ready to talk about it. It was too fresh, too hard. I still didn't have the words. I emailed, sharing only the fundamental basics and asking for space and time to be alone. My support circle had turned out to be the opposite. Not because they did anything wrong, but because I couldn't ask them for support. They were now a suffocating circle of people that I had to relive my pain for. That I had to tell of my failure. Only two in my circle had experienced what I did and I found those were the only two people I could actually talk to, I imagined the looks of pity on everyone else's face as I told them. I didn't want pity. I couldn't handle pity. I never gave them the chance to prove me wrong.

So now I sit here, 11 weeks later, trying to find the closure I so desperately need. Trying to heal from this. I hope sharing the whole story will help. I've also ordered a necklace to wear that says "forever in my heart". I have found that silence has made me feel alone in this. It has made me feel as though I made it up. As though the baby never was. I need to make it real. I need to acknowledge the life that was lost. My baby that will never be born. I will never know if it was a boy or girl. I will never hold it. Never see it smile or grow on this earth. My world will never be the same. I will never be the same. It is still so hard to say the words out loud. I can't do it without breaking down, but I can write through my tears. I can end my silence this way. I lost my baby. One day I was due in January and the next I wasn't. Just like that. It is sad. It is hard. It isn't fair.

I am terrified of getting pregnant again. Terrified of losing another baby. The what ifs are too much. As much as I don't want to end on such a sad experience, I don't have any guarantee that if we did get pregnant again, it wouldn't end the same way. How do people do this? How do you swallow the fear enough to try again? I tell myself we're still trying but in truth, I know we're not. I can't bring myself to really try. I'm as much afraid of trying as not trying, of never having another baby. Can I really give up just like that? Can I end with the feelings of guilt and failure and shame and terrible sadness that I feel now?

I have an 85% chance of carrying the next pregnancy normally. The odds are in my favor, but that 15% is an awfully big number.

10-20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage. I know I'm not truly alone, but it's something we don't talk about. It is an alienating experience. Only those who have been through it completely understand.

Update

Just a quick update before I take a much needed nap! Colonoscopy results were 100% normal! I don't even have diverticuli (the infection of these colon wall "pockets" is know as diverticulitis) so they don't know exactly what caused my pain on Oct 31st but unless it returns, I can carry on as usual. Nothing to indicate cancer, no cause for special diets that exclude my favorite things (popcorn, poppyseed salad dressing, strawberries, etc..). Thank you all for your prayers and support! To bed I go!! 😃

Superstitious

Today (in about 4 hours actually) I have my first colonoscopy.  We'll leave it at, it is thus far unpleasant. If you find yourself in my shoes and have any questions I can answer, ask away. Until then, hold on to your innocence. Hahaha. But seriously, the prep is what everyone always says is the worst, I believe that. The good news is, after about 12 hours of not eating, you do eventually stop feeling hungry. The bad news for me is, I plan to have a lot of these. Why? I'm very superstitious.

 What most of you probably don't know is that I lost my father to colon cancer. One week ago today marks the 10 year anniversary of his death. It's too coincidental for me that I should be having my first colonoscopy right now. Originally the Dr tried to schedule it for Dec 16 but that was too much. So, starting at age 40 I will begin having these lovely procedures every ten years, religiously, in the hopes that if I do inherit my father's disease, I will have a fighting chance to beat it. Colon cancer is the second leading cause of cancer death in men and women combined in the U.S., it's scary stuff. Luckily, if caught early (stage I or II), the 5 year survival rate is 90%. With a first-degree colorectal cancer relative, my chances of getting it go up from 5% to 10-15%. So, as unpleasant as this may be, it could always be worse. If these tiny blips of discomfort and unpleasantnes over the course of my life result in early diagnosis and treatment of a deadly disease, then why wouldn't I get screened? I'd do it every 5 years if the Dr thought it was necessary. My life is worth it. And that's what's at stake. 

Colonoscopy: go out and get yours today! ;-)

I would like to note, I am getting this as a result of my diverticulitis diagnosis, even though the Dr came back and said he doesn't think it's really diverticulitis, not because of my family history with cancer. I just have a hard time not believing they'll somehow be related, because as I said, I'm very superstitious. 

My husband assures me that I'm going a bit crazy with all my superstitious stuff these days and he insists I'll be fine and they won't find anything resembling cancer today. I know he's probably right. 

Blessings

I didn't realize this post didn't publish immediately so the dates are all sorts of off...sorry! It was written the week of November 18th sometime. 

I realize for some of you, I've left you hanging for a while. So sorry! Monday was the big day, I had my hysteroscopy in the office and my Dr was able to see what was going on. The IUD had indeed perforated (it looked to have done so on insertion in May 2012) my uterus. Everything looked normal and uncomplicated so he went ahead and tried to pull it out using the scope. He couldn't quite get it so he removed the scope and then just tried pulling it out "blind". I was told to let him know if it became too painful and he would stop. About the time it was too painful and I told him to stop, he held up the stupid little thing. Just like that, it was over. He checked with the scope to make sure I wasn't bleeding internally and that nothing looked out of place and then actually asked if I wanted him to put in another one. I told him thanks, but no thanks. The pill would be good enough from now on, so he gave me a prescription and sent me on my way with some ibuprofen. It's been 5 days and everything is going great. I have no complications and no more pain. No surgery, and he said this wouldn't have any bearing on my ability to have more kids in the future. Next stop, gastroenterologist on Wednesday. 

I also went on Thursday and had my labs redone to make sure everything was back to normal with the diverticulitis and everything they found on that fun trip. They came back fine. Overall it's looking up and I'm praying it keeps going that way! I have learned a lot about counting my blessings this month. It's only fitting that it's November! Here's a fun little picture of what Halloween looked like for me (minus the 1:20 appointment that I blew off for obvious reasons!)

Finally some good news

Well, I got the call from my Dr this evening. My insurance company will cover an in office hysteroscopy (apparently I've been spelling that wrong. My bad.). Yay!! So I go in Monday afternoon and it should take about 30-45 minutes. My understanding is he will only perform the procure if I will be able to walk out of the office on my own. If he finds something to complicate it, he'll stop and just put me under anesthesia on Friday (11/22) as planned and remove it then. I'm really praying for an uncomplicated, easy to recover from, event. For now, that's all I've got. I'll update again Monday 😊

Well that was unexpected

***Some of you might find this to be too intimate for your liking. Especially if we don't know each other well***

I went in for my pre-op appointment this evening expecting a run down of how the surgery would go and a chance to ask some of my many questions. Instead it went more like this: Dr comes in and says, the notes from JT (the PA I saw last who ordered an ultrasound when she couldn't find my IUD strings) were a little confusing, she said the strings were too long. I say, that's not at all what she told me, she said she couldn't find them. Dr then asks if he can do an examination to check for himself. I agree and low and behold he finds my IUD strings, right where they should be. He even has the nurse look to verify that he's not seeing things. Sure enough, strings! But, the CT still shows my IUD is not exactly where it should be. So now where do we go from here? At this point I don't even know. Dr is calling my insurance company tomorrow to see if he can get authorization to perform an in-office histeroscopy to actually visualize if the IUD has moved or if somehow the CT was wrong. If he can't get authorization I will most likely go in for surgery on Friday as planned and he will perform the histeroscopy before he does anything else. He says it's great news and greatly improves the chances of being able to remove the IUD (if it is indeed perforated) without having to make any incisions. So, I left my pre-op with even more unanswered questions but also some hope. Thanks for the prayers!! I'll keep

updating as I get more info. 

When it rains it pours

On the good news front, I'm feeling immensely better this week than I was over the weekend. Antibiotics are awesome. :-). Yesterday I got a call from my OB/GYN, I'm his first patient ever (in 20 years of practice) to have a perforated IUD. Cool...or not. Here's to being a first though, right?! In a nutshell, I'm scheduled for surgery on November 22nd to remove the IUD. Happy Thanksgiving!! He won't know what kind of damage there is or how severe it may or may not be until the surgery so prayers are greatly appreciated. He did assure me the procedure is disgustingly safe for me, so there is that. Today I got a call from the gastroenterologist, he wants to see me sooner rather than later for a consult. I'm trying not to read anything in to that. I greatly appreciate all the prayers on my behalf lately, it looks like I could use just a few more. 

Halloween ER visit

Let me tell you about my super fun day (sarcasm intended)! On Thursday Oct 31st at 4am I woke up in agony, much like waking up in labor with Noah. I didn't know what was wrong and I was helpless to end the pain. It hurt if I was laying, standing, sitting or walking. It was in the same area as my gallbladder pain was last year. The night before I had eaten barbecue chicken for dinner and a few hours after I had a stomach ache and had thrown up. Maybe this was related, it had been a new sauce and I was the only one to eat it so it might have been bad. At about 5:15 am I called Maria (my mother-in-law) and asked if she could take me to the ER while Ryan stayed with the boys. After getting to the ER I was taken back to a room almost immediately and then played the waiting for a Dr game. After all my vitals were taken and questions asked and what seemed like an endless amount of waiting, the Dr finally made his appearance just before 6am. He asked me all the same questions and then told me the game plan; he would give me a GI cocktail (something like mylanta mixed with a numbing agent) he told me it would taste terrible (not a lie at all, I wanted to throw up) but it would numb my mouth, throat and stomach. If the pain stopped that meant acid reflux, if not they'd try a different approach. So down went the awful cocktail and after about 5 min my pain was gone. I was incredulous! And I felt immensely foolish for going to the ER with nothing more than acid reflux. The shift changed at 6am and it took about 45 min before the new Dr came in to check on me. After hearing I was pain free, he gave me some prescriptions and sent me on my way. I filled the prescriptions and started the meds along with some tums for the immediate relief factor. I still felt ok, the tums were helping and I was getting ready for Noah's preschool harvest party. Then I threw up the pill I had taken. Weird, but upon reading the side effects, it wasn't unexpected. I took the liquid next, it was supposed to coat my stomach and help with pain relief until the pills started working. We went to the party and I really started to feel like crap. My pain was climbing back up the scale and I was sure I would soon be getting sick in the bathroom. We left early and sure enough I threw up again in the car (luckily I had one of those blue vomit bags in my car from when I gave birth to

Teagan). We got home, put Teagan down for a nap and I got in touch with Brianna to let her know I wasn't up for taking Rhys and Reagan today. I got on the phone and called my Dr to try to get in for a follow up and get something for the pain until the pills started working. She was full, if I wanted to wait until Friday at 130, I could see her. The receptionist told me my best bet was back to the ER or Urgent Care. When T woke up, we went to UC, after taking my vitals and asking questions the nurse went to get the Dr. She came back and said, the Dr wants you to go back to the ER. At this point I'm crying, can hardly stand up straight, and I'm ready to die from the pain. Ryan drives me back to the ER. As I'm coming in, the Dr who had come on at 6 happens to be in the hallway and asks what I'm doing back. Through my tears I tell him what has been going on since I left the ER at 7am. He orders IV drugs on the spot and gets me in a room. He also orders a full work up with blood work and  a CT scan. They hook me up to the IV and start the meds, the relief is amazing, the nurse tells me he knows they're working because my blood pressure just went back down to a normal level. They take blood, the imaging tech comes in and talks me through the CT procedure before he does it and then I'm back in my room, pain free and drifting in and out of sleep. The Dr comes in after a while and tells me two things, 1) my blood tests show abnormal liver (or maybe kidney, I don't remember) function and I need to see a gastroenterologist to find out why. 2) The CT shows that my IUD has migrated through the back wall and is no longer preventing pregnancy...awesome. He says they're just waiting on results from the CT and as long as they're normal he'll send me home but with some strong pain killers this time. After a while he comes back and says the results are in, it's not acid reflux, it's transverse colon diverticulitis. The part of my colon that sits just under my ribs by my stomach, has developed pouches along the wall that have become inflamed and infected. Hallelujah! I wasn't crazy, and I didn't go to the ER for acid reflux. He told me how great it was that I came back because I knew there was something more going on. He gave me four new prescriptions (two antibiotics, one for pain and one for nausea) and referred me to the gastroenterologist for further review of the liver/kidney abnormality and to follow up with the diverticulitis, and he told me to call my OB/GYN about the IUD. My day was a crazy, painful, whirlwind of a day but I'm so glad to have gotten it all figured out. Upon reading more about diverticulitis, I'm pretty lucky. If it's not caught early enough you will most likely end up in the hospital for about a week receiving antibiotics through an IV, and sometimes the colon wall actually ruptures causing all sorts of problems and requiring surgery. 

Today I'm finally starting to feel better and can actually keep down some food. A huge thanks to Maria for helping out so much with Noah and Teagan and thank you to everyone who checked in with me to wish me well and offer help. It has been wonderful to know I have you all in my corner. :-)

Time

Today at church I listened to a powerful message about time. The essence of it was this, what are you doing with the wonderful gift God has given you? Are you maximizing it in pursuits pleasing to Him or are you squandering it away on useless pursuits? I've heard it before, time and time again but this was the time the message was for me. It was finally the right point in my life to receive this message as was intended, for my betterment. It's a humbling experience. 

This will be a short sweet post to explain some changes coming your way. 

My focus is changing. As hard as it is to admit, I've neglected aspects of being a mother and wife and even a friend in the pursuit of...I don't even know. But I know this, it's not what I was given time for. I have deleted my Facebook and social media apps (not accounts, I'll still get on after the kids have gone to bed to update and be updated on those not so close to me. I hope it won't be nearly as often and I hope you'll understand and respect the decision. I also will be deleting my friends living close enough to visit regularly. I don't want to keep up with you via the internet. I want to make time for you. Count it as it's meant to be, a plea for closeness and not a shun. Facebook has made me lazy with you all. Forgive me. 

Again, short and sweet. For now something more worthy is requesting this all too precious time. I'll try to update my blog a bit more frequently and indepthly when I can. So much love to all of you and God bless!

Tiph

Cloth diapers

It makes me sad that I don't find the time to update my blog anymore but I can't even find the time to clean my house so unfortunately the blog isn't going to be a regular thing anytime soon, unless I go all crazy and hire a cleaning service or something. Hahaha. Maybe. 

Anyway, I have had a lot of people asking me how cloth diapering is going lately. I'm sure as soon as they ask they regret it because I tend to not shut up about it once the door is opened. I LOVE cloth diapers. Crazy, right?! Except its not. Let me tell you all about it 😉

How and why I started CDs: I never in a million years would have thought I would be the type to cd. EVER. I mean its terribly gross and time consuming and why would you ever want to add to your work load just to save a few bucks?! But then they are SO cute! That's what piqued my interest in the very beginning. I hadn't ever actually paid attention to them before, but I joined a co-op for a great deal on an Ergo carrier and they were running CDs as well. Picture after picture of adorable diaper prints. They didn't phase me much at first but they were always there being adorable. So I started to research it. I had never considered it as an option so I knew NOTHING about them. I called my lovely sister-in-law who had tried it and talked to her, I called my wonderful friend who was still doing it one year later and talked to her. They both told me the same thing, it's not nearly as bad as you think it will be. Hmm, maybe. But the upfront cost is appalling, especially if I hate it and decide not to continue. Then what? 1. CDs hold their resale value well. You don't actually lose much money if you use them for a bit and then sell them. 2. I have an amazing friend who had more diapers than she needed and offered to mail me a trial package. Risk free!? Really?! Definitely worth a try. If I hate it, I just pay to mail them back. I can handle that. 

  As much as I hate to admit it, I'm not very environmentally conscious. I rarely recycle and I'm not all too worried about the amount of garbage in the landfills (please spare the lecture, I know I'm terrible for it) so the environment was not my motivation behind starting this. What was? The cost effectiveness of them (ok, and if we're being honest, the adorable factor). So I took the plunge. My package of diapers came in the mail and dived right in. My trial pack contained 9-10 diapers all of them pockets except one. That one was a cover with a pre fold so I could try another style that I thought might be easier. That amount of diapers meant doing laundry every day and I totally thought that alone would make me hate it. 

Why I continue CDs: I didn't hate it. Even doing laundry every single day for over a week, I actually kind of loved it. I was excited to try it in the beginning and I think that helped A LOT. I loved how cute they were and I REALLY wanted to like them and not have to buy disposable diapers anymore. And I found that I did. I think what deters a lot of people is the perceived mess. Pee diapers are nothing, you take it off roll it up like a disposable and (in my case) put it in the wet bag in the bathroom. That's it, done until laundry time. Poop ones are obviously a little more involved but still not nearly as bad as I thought. Firstly, did you know they make diaper sprayers? It's like a kitchen sink hose that attaches to the toilet (at the wall where the toilet water hose attaches) and you can literally just spray the poop off into the toilet. I do not have one of these ingenious things and I still don't mind the poop. A poop change looks something like this, take the diaper off, wipe the bum (sound familiar?) replace diaper with a clean, dry one and send baby on his way. Take soiled diaper to the bathroom, dump poop into toilet and then roll up diaper like a disposable and put it in the wet bag. Just like that. Does my bathroom stink? Nope. Not at all (I can't say if it would if you went the diaper pail route, I haven't tried it) the waterproof bag with a zipper contains it all, even the smell. Now when I open the bag that's a different story, but easily fixed by a spray of air freshener once it's closed again or in the wash. 

What about washing you say? I take my wet bag to the washer and dump them in (this part is the worst by far, because it smells terrible but it luckily can be done I under a minute). Once all the diapers and wet bag are in the washer I turn it on cold and let it do its thing (no soap this time as its just to rinse them out and loosen up the solids that may have held on). When it's done I start it again with a hot wash and soap (I make my own, equal parts baking soda, washing soda, and oxyClean) depending on load size I do 3-5 scoops and once every three days or so I add a squirt of original blue dawn dish soap to help keep my inserts fully absorbent. Once that cycle finishes I rinse rinse rinse until there are no more bubbles. Then I dry everything on low for about 15min, and then pull out my covers and wet bag and finish line drying those. The inserts usually take two dry cycles and by then my covers are dry and I can stuff them. Easy peasy. For a lot of you some of the words and phrases won't make sense in their context but if you're considering a switch you'll soon discover just what I mean. My favorites are pocket diapers and diapers are only as good as their inserts. Hemp has been good for me as well as microfiber/bamboo blends. I don't love microfiber by itself and I find bamboo by itself to be much too floppy and shift around a lot. I haven't tried a lot of other options so that's as far as I can recommend. Please don't hesitate to ask questions and let me know if you've tried it, are currently using them, or just thinking about it. 

P.S. I love preschool days when the "babies" also take a nap. I probably should have done some housework with my alone time. Oh well...

Fun stuff

I don't have a while lot of time right now (I know, you're shocked!) so I'll make this short and sweet. Teagan is just shy of eight months and crawls everywhere. He pulls himself up on the furniture and has started cruising around it too. He's doing great! He has three teeth, his two bottom middle and his top left incisor. His right one is coming in but hasn't made it all the way through yet. I just noticed the two front middle starting to make an appearance. Teagan loves music and singing, he is off the bottle and now gets his formula in a sippy cup. Apparently if you switch early you don't have to deal with as much attachment difficulties. I have to admit it was easier with him than it was with Noah. We'll see once we switch him to whole milk how that goes before I make a final assessment. Teagan is a talker! And a squealer! He pretty much just loves to make noise. He's very expressive and happy. He loves to be included in all things even if it's just Noah going potty. He loves solid food now, his favorite is carrots. He has about half as much hair as Noah did at this age. He's such a fun little guy!

Noah is such a big boy now! He is so much fun to converse with and he's constantly surprising us with the words he says now. He's so funny!
I was making Teagan some formula the other day and Noah said, "Teagan wants a bottle?"
To which I replied, "No, Teagan wants his cup."
Noah: "No, bottle!"
Me: "He has a cup now, no more bottles. See, the cup has a spout and his bottle had a nipple."
Noah: "Teagan has a bottle."
Me: "No, Teagan has a cup."
Noah: In a patronizing voice dripping with sarcasm, "Ok, momma."

He wants to do everything himself and is getting to be incredibly indepenent. He loves Winnie the Pooh and Thomas. We play trains all day long. For the most part he's a good eater. I'm very much looking forward to the holidays this year, he's at the perfect age to really start enjoying them!

I'm out of time for now but I'll be back again soon! Happy Halloween!

Growing and GROWING

Noah is officially two and a half! It's so crazy to think about that! He has been wearing undies for over a month now and it's so exciting!! He does really well with pee, minimal accidents. Poop is another story entirely! He did really good with it for about three days. Telling me when he had to go before he went in his undies, then he started going in his pants and telling me after. Now we're in a weird spot where he goes in the morning right after he wakes up. So it's in the pull-up at least but the toilet would be more preferable... Tonight he started asking to go by himself, didn't even want me in the bathroom with him. Bitter-sweet moment for me.  :-) We've started looking into preschool and think we may have found a winner but he can't start until January/February. It's a pretty exciting time at our house!

Teagan just turned 6 months on Tuesday, I found him sitting up completely in his crib the other day. And now he's mastered going from laying down to sitting up. It's so cute how he does it, he'll get up on his hands and knees and then up onto his hands and toes, he kind of walks his hands back at that point until gravity takes over and he lands on his bum.  :-) He smiles all the time! He's getting so big! He still doesn't have as much hair as Noah did by this age but he's just so stinkin cute! He definitely looks like he might get a little bit darker hair than Noah has too but only time will tell. He's got some mini dimples going on which just adds to the cuteness. We're trying to transition from bottle to sippy cup right now, I hear the earlier you do it, the easier it is. If anyone has any good transition cup recommendations I'd love to hear them, so far I haven't found any that work.

Is nap time and I've got to get some stuff done today so that's all for now. We love and miss you all.

~Tiph

A few pictures

I know it's not nearly enough but I thought I'd share these few from my phone. I'll try to do a large batch tonight from the computer.

Double time

Oh man! I just read that last post and it made me realize just how important it is to keep track of all this stuff. I had totally forgotten about the screaming phase and it made me laugh to read about all the other fun stuff Noah was doing at that age. What a fun age that was! Noah my little screamer is almost 2.5! I can hardly believe it most days. Noah talks like you wouldn't believe! If you haven't heard him in a while you would be amazed! All day long now he's jabbering away, sometimes what he says doesn't even make sense, I think he just likes to hear himself talking so he makes up words. He's also become quite the parrot, repeating words at random that he hears. We are learning to be very careful about what we say around him, even when we think he isn't listening. He surprises us a lot. He's such a funny little boy and VERY opinionated. If he doesn't want something he will make sure the world knows it. His favorite thing to say right now is "I don't want it!" He yells this a lot. It's so hard not to laugh when he gets on his kicks, I'll have to share a video we have so you understand better.
Noah loves the water. He would play in it almost all day if I let him. We were given a boat back in April and we've gotten it out on the water a few times now and Noah loves to ride in it. He'll randomly come up to me now and say "Go boating?" It's precious. We started swim lessons this past Monday and we've been enjoying doing that together.
We took a trip to Seattle last month and visited the Zoo and Aquarium, both were a hit. It was nice to be able to spend some time with our family over in that area. The cousins had a blast playing together.
It's' getting late and I'm not going to have the time to upload pictures like I thought I would so I'll just give you a rundown on our newest member and have to leave it at that for tonight.
On Sunday March 11, 2012 I got a call from the hospital asking if I wanted to come in and have my baby (I had been scheduled for an induction the next day but they were slow and looking for stuff to do). Of course I said yes, so we dropped Noah off with our good friends, Tasha and Marshall, to wait until Grandma got back from her trip over to Tacoma. We arrived at the hospital around 8am and got all settled in. They started the antibiotic (GBS positive) and hooked me up to the monitors. Of course nothing was going on contraction wise so after a few hours (to give the antibiotics time to do their thing) they started oxytocin (I think that's what it was called, they no longer use pitocin). After a few more hours of a whole lot of nothing/super mild contractions, they broke my water. After that things started to pick up. Also, somewhere along the lines in there I was given an epidural. It was such a different experience than what I had with Noah.
At 7:21pm our little Teagan Ray made his debut, weighing in at 8lbs 7oz and 20.5 inches long. He looked a whole lot like his big brother. The one major difference in the beginning was the chin, so completely different from Noah's. Now I find it hard to see anybody else in him at all, he just looks like Teagan. He was quite the difficult baby in the beginning. Nothing like Noah! He wouldn't sleep unless someone was holding him, he wanted to eat almost constantly and he was generally an unhappy baby. It broke my heart. When Teagan hit about 3 months I went into the ER for some pretty intense pain I was having, only to find out I would need to have my gallbladder removed soon. They put me on some meds that I couldn't take while nursing. I was essentially told to "pump and dump" though the Dr didn't quite use that terminology.  Then less than a week later I went in for surgery and was told to do the same for a day. After that I was never really able to pick it back up. Teagan had gotten used to the bottle and wouldn't latch anymore and my supply was suffering horribly. We made the switch to formula and it's made a major difference.
Our little Teagan is such a happy boy now! He laughs and talks all the time. He's starting to sit up, he can army crawl across the house in record time! He loves to watch his brother play. He has started solid foods, we've done rice cereal, green beans, peas, broccoli and applesauce. He does ok but he doesn't love food like Noah did. They are so very different and I love it! That's all I can do for now. Love to all!

Slacker part 2

I'm WAY late getting this up! So sorry. And for some reason I can't get the pictures in the order I want. Oh well!

Noah is 1! Holy happiness I can't believe it's been that long! Sometimes it seems like I'm still pregnant. But alas, he's here and happy, healthy and ACTIVE! Man can that boy MOVE! He runs around me all day long laughing and playing. He's taken to screaming lately. It's a manly scream mind you, very guttural and grunt like, but a scream nonetheless. He thinks SO many things are funny. Like ripping paper towels apart (while grunting of course), human bowling, chasing Rhys, the dogs chasing the ball, and various other random things. He is like his mommy, when he gets tired things become HYSTERICAL! He will laugh at something for two or three minutes, getting louder and breathing less in between each time. It's really funny to watch.

He practically runs everywhere now. He says more and more words (read sounds) every day. Nuh-Nuh is no no and that's his favorite at the moment. He's a master at giving kisses, high fives and we're even learning to shake hands. Noah LOVES to read books. He will get up from nap, I'll put him down to play and he proceeds to take every book off the shelf and look through them all. He reads one, puts it down and takes another off the shelf until he's read them all. It makes for a messy afternoon but I don't mind.

He loves to eat peanut butter. In any form, on anything, he can't get enough of it. He loves vegetables and fruits. Doesn't care too much for meat right now. Certain noodles, cheese, crackers, yogurt, and of course anything we're eating he loves. He also loves milk. He would drink it all day if I let him. If I get a cup down from the cupboard he starts yelling and grunting at me until he gets it full of milk. Then he drinks, with it running down his chin, and walks around the house clutching his cup, looking like he's been drinking something much stronger. He's very prone to milk drunkenness. :) He also gets quite a shock and gives me a dirty look if I put water in his cup instead. He still drinks it and enjoys it, but he would rather have milk. Crazy little boy.

We celebrated his birthday with two parties. One with family and the other with friends. I'll add some pictures from both. It was a learning experience. While I'm very happy with the way they both turned out and I loved sharing his day with everyone, I will not be doing a party that size again. What a crazy idea I had!

I'm sure there are things I wanted to say that I'm forgetting but they will have to wait until next time. We miss you and love you all! Can't wait to see the Provenzano side in three weeks!

Slacker!

Cake number 2

Cake number 1


Dr Seuss cake with red fish on the side

Dr. Seuss party theme

New year, new skills, new experiences!

Oh my goodness! Where do I even begin?! I feel like Noah is a completely different baby from the last time I posted. He's learning SO MUCH! He recognizes words, says a couple, attempts to say even more, walks all over the place, crawls faster than you would believe, and still is the sweetest happiest little boy around!

Words he recognizes: He knows what bite and bath are, he knows Tubie, dog, cat, outside, daddy, mommy, we're working on bed, Maggie, and inside.

He tries to say: Cat (CA), outside (IDA), did it (ADAT), moo (which comes out mmmmm), dog (GOG or sometimes just GA), and more (MA).

He says: A-DA (for daddy) and ma-ma (this he only ever says when he wants mommy so I know he knows what it means) A-DA is how he distinguishes ADAT (did it) from Daddy.

He also does the usual baby babble which consists of DA DA DA DA and a bunch of other ones I can't think of right now.

I've started watching Rhys now and it's going pretty well so far. Except for the biting incident they have been getting along great. I still have Lillie Bell as well and she's doing pretty good too.

We're pretty stinkin' excited for Noah's birthday which is right around the corner! I've picked a theme so now it's just getting things together and planning activities. We're having so much fun with it!

Well, I've got two little boys who just woke up so I better go play. Until next month!

Three months in a row!

I'm so happy I'm being consistent! Let's see, what should you know this time?

Noah is walking! He's been taking steps since November 20th but on Dec 1st he started taking 8-10 at a time and staying up afterward. Right now he kind of picks and chooses when to walk since crawling is still faster for him but he can cover pretty good distances on his feet! It's awesome.

Noah doesn't really dig the Christmas tree. He keeps walking over to it, then falling face first into the branches and he ends up with a face full of pine needles. So at least it's keeping him away from it for the most part. I can't complain, but I feel so bad for him.

He loves his stocking. It's a penguin and it has a little bell on it and he goes over to it and rings it every day. It's super cute.

Noah says Dada but not Mama. If you ask where Dada is, he looks for Ryan until he finds him. This is super sad if you ask while Ry isn't home. Noah keeps looking for quite a while with no luck. If you ask where Mama is, he purposely looks everywhere but at me. It's like he thinks it a game. I don't like it very much...

He has realized that chasing is a game and he loves to be chased around the house. He's QUICK too!

Noah will pretty much only eat something if he can do it himself now. This is VERY annoying but what am I supposed to do? When I try just putting a bite in his mouth, I'm not even kidding, he takes it out with his hands and puts it back in himself. He's such an independent little boy. It's a good thing I love him so much. :)

He loves to be naked. He hates getting his diaper changed. He loves bath time and bed time. He loves his Mommy and especially his Daddy. I thought that would make me unhappy but it doesn't. It warms my heart when he reaches for Ry even if I'm holding him.

I'm the luckiest wife and Mommy in the whole world.

P.S. In January I'll be watching another little boy three days a week. He's a month older than Noah and his name is Rhys (pronounced Reece). It should be fun! Hopefully...

Three things you should know about Noah and a few more just for fun

1. While he grabs food with both hands he only puts it in his mouth with his left. If he has food in his right, he transfers it to the left before eating it.
2. He now crawls with his belly off the floor almost exclusively. He surprised us with this new feat on Sunday.
3. He will only sleep in his bed or if he's really desperate, someone's arms. This makes it difficult to travel and plan activities in any given day. We have to get creative sometimes.

When he's really tired, he lays his head on the floor and whimpers a little. If you call him, he sits up and smiles.

He will only sleep with his pacifier and calfie.

He loves to feed himself and gets SO excited when you put cheerios or puffs on his high chair tray.

He can get his toes off the ground while pulling himself up on something, leaving him hanging for a few seconds.

He does NOT like plain baby food chicken. He does ok with chicken, rice and veggies.

He loves to eat what we're eating and gets upset if he can't have it.

The same goes for drinks.

He can now wave "Hi".

We're working on "Bye" but he's a little confused by it.

He guards his kisses like treasure unless they're meant for the wall or a mirror. (Mommy rarely gets them)

He's getting quicker at attacking the dogs. They're getting more wary of him.

He's still the happiest baby you will ever have the joy of knowing. Hands down.
My little glowworm! He put the flashlight in his mouth with it on
Swings!
Mmmm broccoli!
My angel



Crawling!

Round and round we go

I hope this is an indication that I'm getting better about posting...maybe not. Only time will tell. Where to begin...

Noah army crawls all through the house now. He pulls himself up on people and objects at every opportunity. He'd rather be standing than anything else. Noah loves being startled, he thinks it's hilarious! If you unexpectedly make a loud noise in his face, he can't stop laughing. This is also true for fake dropping him. A regular thrill seeker. His hair is getting so long that Ryan and I are arguing about cutting it. He wants to, I tell him not on his life. So far I'm still winning this one...One of these days he's going to surprise me and go from laying flat to sitting up all on his own. He hasn't quite managed it yet but he's SO close. He'll get about three quarters of the way up and then start reaching for something to pull him up the rest of the way.

I had to switch over to formula feeding about a week ago. Noah was getting frustrated with nursing and not getting enough and I was so stressed with knowing he wasn't getting enough and not being able to do anything else about it. I tried everything with no success so we started formula instead. It's made a huge difference for both of us. I couldn't give up nursing completely with flu season just around the corner so we settled for once a day. We're doing awesome now! It was awful for a while there and I felt like a complete failure but I've come to terms with it and I know it's best for Noah.

Noah is now sleeping amazingly well! Naps are a breeze, he takes one at 10am and one between 130 and 2pm. At night we established a routine that makes bedtime SO much easier as well. About 530pm he gets solids and then a bath. After bath, jammies, and "teeth brushing" he gets a bottle and then goes to bed anytime between 6 and 730 depending on how long his afternoon nap was. He sleeps until 8am! He wakes up 1-2 times to eat but then it's right back to sleep for my little champ. That too has made a HUGE difference in our daily life. It took about a week of tough love and consistency but it's been very worth it!

As we were going through the bedtime routine tonight I happened to notice a tooth coming through! I don't know if it'll play peek-a-boo for a while or just come up and stay but it's there now! I never thought teething would be so exciting! So far he hasn't been much crankier than normal but I was prepared for worse. We'll see how it goes from here...

Tube is walking again! He doesn't have all his strength/function back quite yet but we were told he could come off crate rest! I don't know if he's not doing so well because they weren't used for so long or if there is still some paralysis and he'll never regain full use, we'll have to wait and see. It's just so nice to see him up and about again even if it is abnormal movements. Maggie loves having him back but she doesn't understand why she keeps getting yelled at when she tries to wrestle with him. Hopefully she'll learn to be less aggressive with play...

Halloween is just around the corner and I can't wait! It's going to be so much fun to dress Noah up! I still don't know what we're doing or where we're going but he'll be in costume regardless.

Now let's see if I can include some pictures this time...


Always a happy little man





The first time he pulled himself up on something!


I know it's a little out of focus but I love it!


Our little family. With the sun glaring off my white leg...